It is very easy to be starry-eyed about a place you have never been to.
It’s strange when the life you had wished for, but never had, flashes in front of your eyes.
As I hobbled alone on the street, my satchel of clothes- which I had made out of my dupatta – in my hand, I could think of a thousand ways to end it all right there.
Abandoned, jilted, lonely, homeless and hungry, I walked the dirty roads of the city. The same city that until that morning had been my very own … now it was strange and scary. The streets were unknown and dark.
I had never been a loner. Rather, I had always enjoyed being around people. But at that moment it scared me. The slightest glance chilled me to the bone. But somehow I kept walking, going nowhere in particular.
As I crossed a bridge the river beneath enticed me. It seemed so welcoming to my eyes…its cold, gushing water.
Just one leap…
As I waited for the signal to turn red, the speeding vehicles invited me.
Just one step…
The vendors on the footpaths with the rat poison and the naphthalene balls for sale seemed to be there only for me.
A swallow….or a cut….or a noose….
There were so many ways to end it all.
Then there were ways to do it painlessly too. In my state of circumstances these were most tantalizing. But I kept my legs moving until I was tired and it was night. Having no second wind I settled on the footpath beside a pauper who was asleep. There was a matchbox by her hand.