Wandering With Words

Random musings of a reckless soul.


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To the real superheroes!

Identity loss is something almost every first-time mom goes through. Some have it easy, some have it worse. 

Sleep deprivation, feelings of ineptitude, guilt trapping yourself, mood swings, leaky boobs- all of these seem to have a limited shelf life.But Identity crisis has a lifespan of its own. 

For me, it lasted 1.5 years into motherhood. When I was pregnant, my mom continuously told me to be prepared – that life wouldn’t be the same. I nodded dismissively, reminding myself that she was from an older generation and that nothing would be lost and the only change would be that I would have a tiny, beautiful baby soon. Well, never doubt the wisdom of a mother! 

With my son’s grand entrance (How? That’s another story) my world flipped overnight. I did a lot of preparation-mental and otherwise – but everything seemed so less. To say that I was overwhelmed would be an understatement. To say that I still continue to be overwhelmed on a daily basis would be truer than truth. 

For some women- loneliness, exhaustion, raging hormones, self doubt, being self critical, sleep deprivation, cluster feeding, mood swings, body aches, hair loss, weight gain, loss of sexual drive, uncontrollable food cravings- are all small inconveniences that they won’t notice with a tiny baby in hand. For others, these are insurmountable challenges that need to be battled daily. 

I missed my friends. I missed exercise. I missed eating on time. I missed being presentable all the time. I missed looking beautiful. I missed sleep. I missed going out. I missed my hobbies. I missed writing. I missed reading poems. I missed the sunrise. I missed being free. I missed everything a lot. 

I forgot what it felt to be alone with your own thoughts because even when my husband took care of the baby to give me my own time, all I could think of was how to make things better for my son. 

The first few months of me being a mom passed in a blur. Yet every minute seemed so long. The days are long but the years are short. 

But soon as I got accustomed to being a mom and fell into a routine with a lot of love and support from my spouse, I began searching for my former self. I began with my hobbies- I read, I painted. I lost weight. I ate healthy, (well, healthier than before) I changed my entire wardrobe. I was still sleep deprived but now I was happier. 

One midnight, as I pondered and rated myself as a mother, I realised I haven’t lost my identity. Instead, I had gained a new one. One where I am more patient and generous,with a new perspective and understanding of life. I see the big picture. I forgive people easily now. I began to appreciate the littlest of the little things even more- a quiet cup of tea, an uninterrupted chat with a friend, a slow meal and a full shower are all simple pleasures. 

I realised that while I may be many things other than a mom, my son is, as of now, just my son-he has no other identity. He needs me and my undivided attention. Now I knew firsthand the intricate pain of parenthood, the beauty of loving a completely dependent being with all one’s strength. He’s my responsibility and it’s gonna remain that way for a long time now. 

I have made new mommy friends,learnt three new skills, started reading motivational books. I now have an idea for a novel and a business. And all this is baby inclusive. 

Motherhood is beautiful. It isn’t easy though. A new role. A new challenge. A new identity. And no matter what people say, it takes time. It took one and a half years for me. Could be more for you, could be less too. 

Being a mother has changed me greatly. I have made choices for my future solely because I am a mother now.

And then, as I lay there, realisation hit me like a bolt of lightning. My mom had gone through all these “challenges” and much, much more for me and my four siblings as well. When she asked me to be prepared she wasn’t being someone from an older generation, she was just being an experienced, successful mom. I realised how much my mom poured herself out for us. As mothers, women become extremely selfless. 

The tears, pain, sacrifices, heartache and work parents go through all their lives is unbelievable. The fact that I had only seen the infant and the toddler phase hit me hard. I still had to nurture a toddler, a preschooler, an adolescent, a young teen and a teenager. So then, I stopped rating myself (because it was too early) and instead gave a full 10 on 10 and more, to my parents and made a mental note to tell my mom I love her even more than ever. 

To all the mommies out there- thank you! May we honour your sacrifices in all the ways we grow and may we always become your reason to smile! 


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28 by 28

I guess it’s about time to change my age in the About section. 😛

28 things learnt by 28 :

  1. Learn to love your life and yourself.

No matter how messed up you or your life may seem (or people say) there’s always something unique about you. Be grateful.

  1. Chocolates, books and music can lift your mood.

In that order.

  1. The sunrise, the sunset and the moon are three beauties that come to you everyday.

Learn to appreciate it.

  1. Never stop learning.

One who stops learning becomes old. One who keeps learning stays young.

  1. Improve. Mature. But never “grow up”

Make sure you never lose the inner child in you.

  1. Smile when you wake up and forgive people before you sleep.

For your own peace of mind.

  1. Eat, sleep, laugh and talk moderately.

But smile a lot! Smile and shine! 

  1. Give charity and gifts regularly.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s small or big. 

  1. Make time for your family. Family is very important.

Love them. Serve them. Be with them.

  1. Make sure you spend some time with people below 7 and above 70 regularly.

They know the magic to make you feel better.

  1. Tell your parents you love them. You may not have the chance later.

And I mean, tell them! Like, tell them on their face, “I love you pappa” or “I love you mummy” You have no idea about the regret of letting them go without letting them know.

  1. Spend a day without your phone. Spend another without looking at the clock.

Experience the slow-mo life!

  1. Selfishness is a virtue.

Sometimes.

  1. Stop crying about how bad your life is.

It isn’t. Even if it is, get up and make it better.

  1. Spend time with people who support and believe in you.

And be that person for others.

   16. Travel

   It’s the only thing that money can buy that makes you richer.

  1. Do yourself a favour and follow your passion.

Figure out what lights your fire and then chase the match.

  1. When in doubt, always ask mom.

She carried you safely for nine months. Trust her.

  1. Not everybody will like you. So stop trying to please everyone and get with it.

After all you are not the centre of the world.

  1. Chivalry is not just for men.

Courtesy before chivalry.

  1. Listen to your body.

It talks to you. It really does!

  1. Think before you speak and read before you think.

So basically, read more, speak less.

  1. Let makeup empower you.

But never be ashamed of your natural self. Believe in your beauty.

  1. Drink more water.

Then your skin, hair, mind, body will thank you.

  1. First impressions are worthless 50% of the time.

So try not to judge people over that.

  1. Never cease dating your spouse.

That’s a fine way to keep the spark alive!

  1. Dream, dare and droll.

Get a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone.

  1. Nurture nature.

Beauty lies in the green of trees.